Sooo wrong on so many levels....
1. Go to a spa, they're professionals... not necessarily "hooker" professional lol
2. Why would a sister and/or mother shave your balls? That's not necessary even if you're in a coma.
3. What does a hard-on have to do with it? Hairy dick
4. More blood than you were expecting? Not very optimistic, should you have expected any?